Yesterday I found an old set of photographs I had taken for my portfolio. The photos are about seven years old, and I had taken them to try and start a modelling career. But I didn’t have the confidence. As soon as I saw the pictures, I thought I was way too fat, and waaayyy too ugly to do anything! Not only that, I had even blamed the photographer for how awful my pictures had turned out. I ended up not doing anything with the photos, and continued my fall into a deep depression.
When I saw the pictures yesterday for the first time in years, my heart broke! I looked absolutely stunning in those pictures, although there was sadness in my eyes. I began to cry, thinking I had been so hard on myself. I feel so sad for poor baby Kiswana, hating herself so much. Who knows where I would have been in life if I hadn’t been blinded by sadness and self-hatred.
I would urge anyone who feels the way I felt to seek help immediately, before you lose years of your life to this evil illness called depression. I am feeling way better now- still sick, but confident and in love with myself for the most part. But I can’t help but wonder what life could have been if I had only felt this way about myself back then..
depressed and well dressed 
Aww. I know how it feels to look back and wonder what life would be if you made a different choice. But it’s ok because you still have so much more to life with so many more choices to make so try and find joy in the path you take.
By the way, I always wanted to do blogs but I was worried about if I could write as much as others do and how good my grammar was and that’s what also held me back was fear so after reading this blog I feel much better and that it’s not that hard.
Thank you 🙇
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