Forgiving Myself

One thing I have been doing a lot lately is forgiving myself completely.  Facing depression for the past five years has taken a lot out of me, and a lot away from me.  It’s easy to look back on all of the things I couldn’t do because I was sick and feel sad, angry, or embarrassed.  Meeting up with old friends who are all doctors and telling them I haven’t done anything with my life isn’t the most pleasant situation, and I have faced it several times.  I used to try and make something up, or speak in future tenses.  “I will be doing so-and-so,” was a line I perfected.  Deflecting questions was also something I mastered.  Now, however, as I have been opening up more about my mental illness, I find I am unashamed of my situation.  I am no longer afraid to say I have been battling depression for the past five years.  I still speak in future tenses too, but now it’s because I am hopeful for the future, not ashamed of my past.  I also forgive myself for what I’ve gone through.  I forgive myself for the opportunities I have missed; there will be more to come.  I forgive myself for all the time that I’ve spent in bed.  I forgive myself for all of the friendships I have lost (true friends understand).  To put it simply, I forgive myself for having depression.  And in doing so, I have given myself permission to “start over” as best as I can, picking up where I left off all those years ago.

This outfit is a lil something I purchased from the online store I Saw It First.  It’s a matching set, which I am sure you will see a lot more of, because I am obsessed!  Although I thought it would be a knit sort of material when I made the purchase, the material is actually slightly thin, almost like crepe paper, and ribbed.  I’m also pretty sure it’s supposed to be a Gucci dupe, which I don’t mind.  I paired it with sneakers from Adidas, and a Supreme fanny pack, which was a Valentine’s day gift from my dad (the only Valentine I will ever have.)