To Be Loved

It’s funny how happy you can think you are, and then something happens, and reminds you that you have depression, forever and always.

For me, my trigger is love.  And how I have never had it.  As a twenty-five year old woman, I have never had a significant other, or even been on a date.  At an age when all the people I grew up with are married with children, I find myself wondering every single day, “Why not me?”  Why were some girls asked to prom fifteen times, while I went to two proms by myself?  Why do some women date all the time, while men see right through me?  Why do women my age get to feel the joy of having a family of their own, while I don’t even get to feel the joy of having someone to talk to?  And it kills me.  I blame myself all the time, and when I am sad I know in my heart that I am not good enough of a person to be loved.    I think, if I were prettier, or nicer, or smarter, I would have someone, or at least have had someone, for we all know, it’s better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all.  And at the heart of all this pain, all I want to know is why, or what exactly it is about me that makes me nothing to everybody, so I can change it.  This is probably my greatest source of sadness, for if you’re not good enough to be loved, are you a good person?

I suppose this outfit represents the colour of my heart (I still think I’m funny).  I dressed up this simple monochromatic look with unique shoes, to give it a pop.  This entire outfit was purchased online.

The top is a simple black crop top.  YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG with a simple black crop top.

The skirt is a mini tube skirt.  Skirts have always been something that I have tried to wear for years, but felt I didn’t have the body for them.  Now, I don’t know if I have the body or not, nor do I care.  If I want to wear it, I will put it on.