Stop Telling Me to Smile!

I have been experiencing something a lot lately, and at first it was making me sad, but over time I’ve grown angry about it.

That thing I have been experiencing is people telling me to smile! Let me elaborate.

In every picture I post, in every cover I sing, in every conversation I have, someone is telling me to smile! Or commenting on how serious I am. Or generally just making me feel bad for being myself! Let me be clear: in my right mind I am generally a very cheerful, bubbly person. But some times I like to (try to) vogue in my pictures. I also love to sing sad music, just because I think it’s beautiful. And finally, if I am having a regular, serious conversation, I’m not going to be laughing the whole time?! Is that even normal?

Like I have mentioned, at first I felt bad. I felt like I was making people unhappy with just my “bad” energy. Then I realised a few things.

Firstly, if you want me to smile so much, make me happy. The fact that people who know my situation are satisfied with simply telling me to smile is almost hurtful. How about going deeper and finding out why I’m not smiling, and then, if you care, trying to make me smile organically? Whether a person thinks their intentions are pure, I would encourage everyone to really look within themselves and truly discover why they tell people to do certain things.

Next, I see no difference between, for example, a strange man telling me to smile, and a family member telling me to smile. Personally, I think it all comes from a (perhaps subconscious) need for control. And I am done taking empty orders!

Lastly, it was super upsetting at first because, as I’ve said, I felt like I was making people feel uncomfortable. Then I realised, they were the ones who were uncomfortable with themselves, and they were projecting that onto me. Using me as an excuse, if you will. Even though I know they weren’t doing it to hurt me, it is still a very toxic reaction to your own lack of self-esteem. I’m sorry if what you say doesn’t excite me the way you want it to, but that is no reason to act like it’s my depression’s fault, and not because you aren’t super interesting.

I am one hundred percent done with being used as an excuse, a punching bag, or a way to feed people’s controlling needs. If you truly want me to smile, be nice. We can start there.

My outfit of the day is giving me Sunday school teacher realness, and I am loving it! Feeling fresh in floral, I am loving this weather and trying to stay as positive as I can during these times!